I keep on trying but I'm just wasting my damn time.

I tried telling my mom I don't like seeing her this way and it makes me feel like I'm contributing to her problem.
She doesn't listen to me.
She thinks that I don't care about security at home and she thinks that I think that she's doing it all but these are just her assumptions.
I remember the times we would be able to watch TV in the living room and eat dinner and generally have a good time. The only annoyance I had with her was sometimes she needed to rewind the show haha. Who knew I had it so good then.

I've tried to keep that going, but with her hoarding and her worsening paranoia. Our relationship is falling apart. I hate to say it but this is probably the worst its ever been between my mom and I. I don't really know how much of this I can take. I need to leave here.

With my dad gone years ago it sort of just leaves my sister, and my partner as the closest people I have in my life. Definitely better than nothing, and Sora really loves me a lot. Without her I probably wouldn't bother to get out of bed anymore. I really hate it here that much.

I guess I'll just let mom keep chasing her invisible vandal. I fucking suck. I wish I could help but I can't. I can't do anything to help or hurt. I've tried distractions but I'm running out of energy.

From losing friends to messing up things with my mom. I don't know what to do or try. I just don't feel good anymore. I'm tired and I hurt on the inside.

~Arisu